We recently received the first draft of our ceremony from our Celebrant (Shout-out to Elizabeth!) and yesterday Sam and I took the morning to sit down and read through it.
Wow. We were both overwhelmed with emotion. The ceremony is tender yet funny, sweet and honest, and most importantly it is made up of 100% us and the people we love. We both realized that a) This is really happening and b) that we made the absolute right choice in designing this ceremony with Elizabeth (not that we had ever questioned the choice) and that our wedding is going to be beautiful.
Last year when my brother’s wife Jaine was getting excited for their wedding, I told her that I didn’t know if I could ever get married in front of people, that the ceremony sounded too public, that my nerves would kill me. She told me then what I’ve repeated to many friends since, something that I cannot remember verbatim because we were a few wine bottles deep, something that essentially convinced me of the importance of making this commitment in the presence of loved ones. “This is the only time in you’re life that you’re asking for this,” She probably said. “You want thirty minutes of their undivided attention so that you can tell each other, in front of all of these people you love, that you’re making a commitment. You don’t get to ask this of people very frequently in life, and it’s something that I think we’ve all earned.” After that night I knew that it was okay to ask everyone to pay attention, to watch us do this, and that it should be stunning and special and created with someone in whom we trust to bring our dream to life.
I don’t want to give anything away, so until my post-wedding posts I will remain tight-lipped about the ceremony, but I can tell you that when we reached the part where she had actually written, “Both brides take a deep breath …” right before our vows, we both did take deep breaths, and I realized that my nerves are going to be out of control in that moment, and that I will definitely need a strong drink immediately following the ceremony. I am trying to keep this deep breath approach in mind as we enter our final, crazy month of planning. Putting together this wedding has been a blast and a blessing but let’s be honest, we’re dealing with a lot of personalities–our own included–and there are times when the stress brings us to the brink. I’ve called my mom in hysterics because one tiny, innocuous detail has me reeling. Sam has given me a big, loud dose of “I have NO ONE” when she’s been driven nuts by the rest of us and she just goddam misses her mom.
Wedding planning has not been a roller coaster, it’s been a freefall. Ever been skydiving? Planning a wedding, which sounds so safe (like bungee jumping, which actually turned out to have much more dire consequences for me than skydiving, but that’s neither here nor there) is actually like those 60+ seconds after you’ve left behind the safety of the plane, when you’re merely spinning around in the atmosphere, trying to decipher which way is up, which way is down, and reminding yourself with each second that ticks by, “Enjoy this! Don’t miss a moment! It’s going to be over in an instant!” We are one month away, right at the moment before the chute is pulled and a calm envelops your body as you float to earth in absolute serenity. At the point right before that, your body is bouncing in the shock of gravity and though you know you’re going to make it, you can’t be certain.
So. Our ceremony is amazing. We’re both excited and stressed, and so we’re going to part ways. On Thursday morning Sam and I will both board planes. Hers will be headed to Vegas, mine to New Orleans, and we’ll get back to wedding planning next week.